still sailing

Well folks,

It has been a busy week.

First, I had friends out for the weekend and we made some fun for ourselves in this crazy town. We saw the local Farmers market, explored the local thrift stores and then wandered the down town core, stopping in on high end boutiques and a couple of crazy novelty stores.

we saw the scariest costume shop

explored local cafe art

browsed fun stores

tried on pretty pretty dresses

And then we discovered a HUGE and super cool park right near my house which comes equipped with a mini golf course. So we had to play! Obviously! 

I was a mini golf shark!!!

Thanks L for the pics! And thanks J and Matt and L for a fun weekend.
And Then back to the grind
So we've gone back into full rehearsal mode while still running the show in the evening. Surprisingly only minor confusion has ensued. Next week we move into tech again and hopefully the show will be up and running and finished by the end of the week. Whew! Then I'll get a day off, thank heavens.
For the most part it seems like the drama has settled which feels like a positive step in the right direction.  I really don't trust anyone working on this project as far as I can throw them, but I'm taking each day as it comes and I think that's really all I can do.
So we're still sailing, at least for now.
peace

Cmax the Rock

For today's blog, let's talk about strength.

'You are a strong person', 'stay strong', 'You are a rock'

I am strong, but not for the reasons that you think I am. Please do not misinterpret my workaholic tendencies, my emotional dissociation, my stubbornness, my complete self sufficiency, my oxen-like muscles, my superhero powers or my wanna be perfectionism, for strength.

Those are not proud skills, or values that I hold dear. They are dysfunction. They are how I survive. And really at this point in the production, that is all I am trying to do.

Today, (and its not over yet) has been hard. I hate this show. I see no good reason to be here, no valuable learning, no networking opportunities, no faithful calling, just a never ending flow of crap that is sucking the life right out of me.

so what to do?

Here we go

So I've finally unpacked! its nice to feel settled and not be living out of suitcases anymore. whew!
And I'm all psyched up for the craziness of our upcoming week.
I've found a couple of good TED talks to guide our way and I've spend a lot of time watching 'inside the actors studio' with excellent comedians. Hopefully some of that wisdom has sunk in and I'll be able to offer some useful guidance.
I'm taking to calling myself the Theatre Facilitator, rather than Stage Manager or Director or...
I'm gonna head in there, ask a bunch of questions and let the talent, well, be talented and I'll just help shape them. That's sort of the best approach I can come up with at this point.
I think the greater challenge will be handling the powers that be and all the personality, while also integrating our new cast member into the mix.
Its a good thing that I can be clear and outspoken when I need to be. And also I think having a heart of stone will help too.
In other fun news,

I now own a 'I love JB' bracelet. If you're not quite as cool as me and haven't yet heard of these beautifying bangles I'll explain. They are essentially glorified rubber bands, in shapes of different phrases of adoration for Justin Bieber. I have yet to actually listen to any of his music, but I'm told he is very popular, and now I can be popular too, cause I have one of his bracelets.
ps This was a gift from one of the cast to help cheer me up and give me strength after our last director drama
later friends!

sinking ship

*disclaimer: its very late (or early depending on how you look at it) and I have been drinking, because on days like today, what else can you do really?*

So I went away to Vancouver, cleared my head and had some much needed R and R. I actually got some sleep and everything. I was also reminded just how wonderful my friends are. Love you folks ;)
When I returned to Kamloops I felt prepared to handle whatever this town had to throw at me. And for the first couple of days it really seemed like things were starting to improve. The performances were stronger, and everything was starting to come together.
No major drama
even a bit routine
I get to the theatre around 4:30pm to start preset for a show that starts between 8:40 and 9:15pm. If you've ever worked on a show, I don't have to tell you, that is bordering on ridiculous. But I do it anyway, cause there is that much work to be done and I can't seem to slack off even if I want to.
Then today, my job got that much harder.
Buddy pushed too far as I understand it and we lost our director. Normally after a show opens I would say 'whatever', but we are still working the show and we have a new cast member arriving next week and the director was going to come back to 'direct' those rehearsals.
I am now officially a one woman army.
I have been painfully clear with the company with regards to the role of the SM and what I am prepared and not prepared to do. And yet, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Who fills the void? We don't have a director, musical director, choreographer, playwright, dramaturge, designer, PM...
When the question was asked in our meeting this evening, all eyes looked to me... you?
No.
So then what, it becomes a collective creation with a room full of producers watching from the sidelines adding their two cents when they feel moved? I'm not interested in being in the room during those rehearsals. boo. I am certain that with that approach, the bottom of this ship will be blown out from under us and we will all sink.
I'm not quite sure how these next few weeks will pan out, but I think my work load and my job description just got a lot heftier. I think I might start by finding some good TED talks ( a good director introduced me to those once) and then I think we should return to the beginning. What is the story that we are trying to tell? What do you want?

Bloody hell.
The funny thing about being the last woman standing on the design/ production team is that suddenly I am a hero without even trying and everything I do is golden (even the way in which I braid my hair). lol
flattery will get you everywhere.
So that's the news on the Kamloops front. I need to jet though, reports to write and whatnot...
peace
Cmax

ONe Month down

Well folks,

today marks one full month since my departure from Vancouver. I can't believe its only been one month, it feels MUCH longer...

So to celebrate, I'm trying to get out of town for a couple of days, visit friends in Van, eat some sushi, play some video games, sleep in my own bed. *sigh* If I can extradite myself from the drama then I plan to get on a bus after tonight's show. We may be loosing a cast member for a couple of days because of a family emergency; so its possible that I'll have to stick around to get the understudy show ready to run. I hope not, I hope we don't need to, for everyone's sake.

I find it surprising how accommodating I am when it comes to my colleague's personal lives. When people are legitimately tired, or sick, or grief stricken, I really do adjust work responsibilities around their needs. And I do it without resentment and without thinking that they should check their personal lives at the door.

I had a director tell me that once.

That professionalism in the theatre meant checking your personal baggage at the door.

I believe I've really taken that to heart. I might take that too far sometimes.

What's the difference between 'life happening' and 'personal baggage'?

I've worked with creeps without thinking to tell someone. I've worked through illness, injury, fatigue. I've missed funerals, family events, I'll be missing weddings.

...

I literally just got interrupted by buddy freaking out about 'the show must go on!!!' that was a fun conversation.

.....

So when does the show NOT go on? Why do we break our backs and our psyches for THE SHOW. Why have I boughten into that philosophy so completely and at such personal cost? Yes, theatre is a different animal than other jobs. Yes, it is a team sport. But at some point our lives have to matter more than the show.

I think its easy for me to believe that other people's lives matter more than the show, but not so easy for me to believe that about my own. I think there is a lesson there.

Moved!

I'm still working to get internet set up; so please bare with me. We have moved. It was a long couple of days, but still Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than my last moving experience * ;) L*
Here is the weekend synopsis.
Pack, pack, pack
Clean, clean, clean
Move, Move, Move
CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN!
First night home and alone, Cmax gets locked INSIDE the house.
Complete Panic
Cmax breaks OUT of the house.
Next day harass landlords till they fix front deadbolt. (this is a serious fire hazard and everyone should have properly functioning locks on their doors. *ahem* *cough* oh cousin J!)
Clean, clean, clean continued.
Clean, clean, clean..... clean.
Flare....
....damnit.

TaDa!

All my buddies have left the building!!!!!!!!!!
(enter sigh of relief)
The show is up and running now. We had a better night last night, thank goodness.
Today we did understudy rehearsals and they were actually quite fun and now I have a whole weekend off. I cannot begin to tell you how happy that makes me.
Tomorrow we move and I think once I actually unpack I'll start to feel a lot more settled and at peace with this whole "adventure".
So worry not friends, I'm perfectly fine.
Love you all
Cmax